Strange Dreams

So I hadn't really had dreams about my little one until the last few days. I'd occasionally have a dream about holding her or breastfeeding her, but yet were far and few between. Lately though, I've dreamed about her every night.
One night I dreamed of her birth and she had a head full of black hair. She was so beautiful!
Last night I dreamed that K and I were out somewhere...It was like we were at work or something. Anyway, I had to go in for my "shift" the next day, but couldn't make it. So apparently the Rock...you know, the wrestler turned toothed fairy dude? Well, he worked there and he offered to work for me.
Apparently this meant that HE was going to give birth to my baby! Lol. I told him, "My shift starts at 7. Is that still okay?" He still agreed.
Later I realized, while lying in bed that night...this won't work. I have the baby inside me. How is he going to have her for me if I'm not there? He won't be able to push her out. What will they want to do, give me a CSection and then out her inside him so he can push her out? That doesn't make sense...nope, I'm going to have to push her out myself.
LOL. Then I woke up.
So it makes.me think that perhaps I'm more nervous about giving birth than I thought. The mind is a very powerful thing...could I be psyching myself out? Could I be stalling labor? Is that even possible?
I want to meet this little girl so bad! I have to admit that I AM nervous. I always said, to curb the population, women should go through labor unmedicated! Lol! That pain will make you wanna put a couple of years between babies. ;-)
Just joking.
Seriously though, I'm feeling a little worried that I won't be able to do it. I also can't do the epidural because I'm terrified of having another terrible experience with that. So I know that once labor begins, I'm in it for the long, painful haul. Wow.
I didn't realize just how afraid I am feeling. It's like I go back and forth between being totally ready to get the show on the road and scared to death of it at the same time. How do I get past this? I wish someone could tell me the magical words to help me out here.
But there aren't any. I suppose it just comes down to going through it.
Today I have an appointment. I can accept a scheduled induction for next Monday if I want, but I'm not sure I want to "buy interventions."
I don't know what to do. *grumble*
Where's my fairy labor mother when I need her?
The main reason I'm considering the induction for next Monday is I'm concerned for the baby to be in my belly at 42 weeks. I'm worried about fluid levels, her activity, and what is best for her.
I'll discuss it with Julia today. If my cervix is soft and doing what it SHOULD do then an induction might not be terrible. I can request that pitocin be used as a last resort.
*sigh*
UPDATE
Induction scheduled for Monday at 7:00 am. I hope I go in labor before then, but no matter, there is an end in sight.
I kind of want to cry though...I feel like my body has let me down. I wanted to be able to labor in the tub and I won't be able to because I'll be stuck to the stupid IV. :-( I really am bummed about it. I shouldn't be this way. It's just hard when you have an idea in your head of what you want.
I really wish they could try to strip my membranes before the pitocin.
*big sigh*
I'm nervous...very nervous.
Now I hope I'll get some sleep on Sunday night.
Anyway, I'm going to try not to think about it. I think ill just clean the house, get dinner started and try to relax.
It wouldn't be so bad if others weren't so inquisitive about when I'm going in labor. I feel like I'm letting people down. I love my MIL, but I wish she would stop sending messages about being excited and waiting for my call about bring I'm labor. :-( I'm not trying to ruin her excitement, but it makes me feel bad.
Silly? Maybe, but one can't help how she feels.