Pick me up!!! (recipe included)

So for the last week I've been feeling really down. My hormones feel a bit out of control like they did when I was in my first few weeks (months) of pregnancy. I cry easily....cried over Juno yesterday...I cry because I have no friends here. I cry because I don't feel like exercising these days...I cry because I feel so isolated...I cry because I'm crying when I should be feeling happy and thankful (after all, I have a hell of a lot to be thankful for). 


Pregnancy is a bumpy, if exciting, ride. And I think I am in need of four wheel drive right now to get me through this rough patch. 


I've been wondering what set it off and I swear, I think it was something as silly as a vegetarian burrito from Chipotle and the scale at the doctor's office. Both turned against me, even though both had previously made me happy. 


They made me happy because when I'd get the burrito, despite its size, I knew I was filling my belly with excellent nutrients. I have my loaded with white rice, black beans, peppers and onions, tomato salsa, corn salsa, guacamole, and lettuce. All of these are wonderful sources of excellent nutrients. 


The scale made me happy because as it slowly went up, I knew it did so because I am taking care of myself and my baby. 


However, I learned that the two do not mix. I knew it when I wanted to go to Chipotle. I knew it was a bad idea to eat what is probably a 2 pound burrito before getting weighed. And it WAS a bad idea. The scale tole me I gained 5 pounds in a week. 


Did I really? Probably not considering I can barely eat an entire meal these days because of my squished up belly and my appetite is lacking. 


However, while I tried to brush it off, it hurt me to see that. I started thinking about the fact that at 146 pounds, I am only 4 pounds from 150, which is only 50 pounds from 200. That really freaked me out big time. Irrational? Yes...but I can't help how I felt about it...or how I continue to feel about it. 


That was just the beginning of my least favorite doctor's appointment ever. The rest was about my AMA status and the tests they wanted me to have done due simply to my age. I wrestled with the idea of having the tests done simply because of my age until this morning. I lost sleep over it. I was depressed and having nightmares about being powerless to control decisions about my body and my baby. This morning I woke up at 4:00 with contractions and the urge to pee and couldn't go back to sleep (thus is my life at this point in my pregnancy). 


At about 5:30, I called my doctor's office and left a message telling them that I've declined the tests and if she wanted to add something more to the necessity other than my age, then she could call me to talk about it. I left my number. 


I posted about this on a forum this morning to mixed reviews and I appreciate the different POV of the women. I want to know what other women think and what they are going through as "older" expectant mamas. Most of the posts said they knew nothing of such tests. One, who said she was a health care provider said, "I'm sorry, but I don't agree with you on this one...being over 35 does make you high risk..." 


I do see her point, when you look at the health of a lot of women 35 and older. I can look at women I went to high school with and know that they cannot be very healthy as they are at this age. This seems to be the norm with a lot of women 35 and older. We get distracted by family and jobs, and friends and obligations...we forget about ourselves. We stop being as active as we should be. We eat things that are fast and more convenient and therefore not so good for us. This affects our health. 


However, I am very healthy. My family history is without anything major, other than heart issues and diabetes due to obesity. 


In the beginning of my pregnancy, I was told I was at higher risk for a miscarriage. Then I was told I was at higher risk for gestational diabetes. Then I was told I was at higher risk for pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure has been totally normal throughout this entire pregnancy and my pulse rate is actually more normal now than it was pre-pregnancy. Probably because I'm not smoking or drinking, I'm eating better than ever, and drinking tons of water. 


In my second trimester, I was told I should have the complete anatomy scan due to my age. I definitely did this, because they are rather accurate in determining if there is a problem with the baby or in the uterus in general. Everything was normal. I declined the quad screening though, because after doing my research, I found that the tests have a 95% FALSE positive rate...so that would cause me more stress and likely for no reason whatsoever. 


After I declined the test, my nurse said, "I told my daughter not to take them either. They are rarely accurate." 


Of course she couldn't say that prior to my declining them...


So anyway, after making my phone call, I was finally able to go back to sleep around 7:00. I felt so relieved to have made a decision that I feel is best for me. 


So, now to get myself back to happy. 


I think I'm going to take a warm bath today...maybe add some rosemary to rejuvenate me a bit. Then, I think I'll walk to the bank and the cute little organic baby store nearby. It isn't supposed to be blistering hot today, so I may as well take advantage of it. Later, K and I are going to see a concert at Riverbend...Rod Stewart and Stevie Nicks. It should be fun and I desperately need to get out of the house and have my mind on something other than baby. 


Tomorrow is my baby shower with my gal pals in Lexington. I'm looking forward to that...sort of. I am looking forward to seeing them, but I've been so isolated lately that the idea of getting out leaves me feeling somewhat anxious. I have a sense of dread. People will ask how I've been and I don't want to be like, "Oh, I've spent the last week crying about a burrito, what about you?" 


I'm also afraid they will ask what I've been up to...because the answer is equally lame. "I watch A Baby Story, take naps, clean house, play with my cats, and can wear my pajamas all day long and no one in the world will know or care. My most important decision each day is what to eat and I have to be sure to get 64 oz of water." That's it; that's all. 


I know all of this is temporary...I reminded myself of this act just before falling asleep this morning. Once the baby is here, I'll be busy and I'll be napping not because I'm bored and want to "make time go faster," but because I'm actually exhausted. I'll still be isolated though and I'm not sure how to fix that problem. Most of the people I know here hang in the bars and I have no desire to do that. I wish I knew other mamas-to-be, or other moms in general. I just don't know anyone here and not working prevents me from meeting new people. Plus, I'm actually very shy. I can't see myself going to a mommy group. 


So anyway, for anyone suffering from a bout of the blues, you can make a refreshing facial mist to help pick you up. Here's a simple one I've done in the past for myself. 


REFRESHING FACIAL MIST 


You'll need: 


1. A small spray bottle (GLASS is best, but for a temporary one you can keep in the refrigerator, you can use plastic...those travel ones are great) 
2. About 1 cup (enough to fill bottle) water (should be boiled and cooled) 
3. Rosemary Essential Oil (several drops, not to exceed 8) 
4. Fresh Rosemary sprigs (optional, but they look pretty in the bottle) 


Boil water; let it cool for a few minutes. Add oil. Finish cooling completely. Pour into spray bottle, add sprigs of Rosemary. Spritz face as desired for a quick pick-me-up. Store in refrigerator up to 2 weeks.