Hostile World...with glimmers of kindness

Is this what we've come to, or has it always been this way? I can't help but wonder.

I'm sure the people who lived during the Cold War thought the same thing as they dug out their personal bomb shelters. I'm sure the Indians thought the same thing as the White man massacred them with bullets and contaminated blankets. I'm sure this thought has permeated history anytime something terrible happened.

I'm thinking about the cinema massacre in Colorado...It's a terrible thing. I feel for the families who were affected by that man's hideous act. However, I'm upset that his act isn't considered an act of terrorism. It IS terrorism. The only reason it isn't being considered that is because he is not of the Islamic faith...he's not Middle Eastern. This country touts that it is beyond racism because we have a black president, but racism is alive and well in this hypocritical country and I am ashamed.

http://news.yahoo.com/ten-killed-denver-movie-shooting-local-radio-083209128.html

A woman asked today, "Should we be bringing babies into this world?" I remember when I was a teenager and heard that my aunt was pregnant. I said, "I hope I never have children. I think it's selfish to bring them into a world like this." I can't say I disagree with my teenaged reasoning. As I feel my baby girl move inside me, I think about the future ahead of her.

It makes me think of a dream I had a few years ago, where we were at war on our own soil. While I don't think it'll happen in my lifetime, I do believe it could happen in my children's lifetime and that scares me. Have all generations felt this way?

It's a hostile world we live in.

However, I still believe in goodness and I've seen glimmers of it in my daily life.

I've always met nice people...going to the grocery store, walking in my neighborhood, visiting new places, etc. I would never say that most people are mean or have ill-intentions. I believe most people are good-natured. I think we just live in a high-stress society with insane expectations and very few opportunities to catch our breath or even get a good night's sleep. It's sad. How can a person function like this for very long?

Anyway, some good things that have happened. I was out walking on Wednesday and a guy in his Jeep stopped and asked out his window, "Is it a boy or a girl?" I told him it's a girl. He said, "I have a little girl who just turned two. It's amazing! Is it your first?" I told him it was my third, but my first girl. As he drove away, he wished me congratulations.

One day a college girl came to the door to get people to sign a petition regarding fracking. She was very sweet, congratulated me on my pregnancy, was understanding when I told her I couldn't donate, and was very sweet in general. I was just so happy to see someone so young displaying and acting on their concern for the environment. Go girl! :)

Those are just two examples.

I feel like I'm getting a little down because I'm at home all the time. This is not good for my psyche. I need wide open spaces....like the Dixie Chicks say. ;-) I'm beginning to feel stifled, but what can I do? I'm not working, there is little I can do around the house, because things that need to be done are not good for pregnant women, such as priming the walls. Ugh.

I'm trying very, very hard to resist the urge to rip out the carpet in the living and dining rooms. It's hard. I want to do it so bad. However, the hardwood underneath will need to be sanded and I can't do that because I can't open the windows for fresh air.

The work situation is bothering me too. I feel like i need a job that gets me out of the house, because well, I need money and I hate being in the house all the freaking time. That said, I don't want to leave the baby too early and I'd honestly like to be home with her for a year, at least. It's so hard to figure all of this out. Being a woman can be difficult. A man doesn't consider whether he should stay home. Our society has programmed him to be the breadwinner. For women, biology has programmed us to be the caregiver, but society pushes us to be a financial gear in the capitalist economy. Women today are often torn between work and motherhood. Today a woman is looked down upon for being a stay-at-home mother and is even considered NON-WORKING.

http://www.cio-today.com/news/Pregnant-CEO-Tests-Glass-Ceiling/story.xhtml?story_id=11000DJP55GW&full_skip=1

Examples like the new CEO of Yahoo don't help matters. She'll probably be put on a pedestal as a shining beacon of the modern woman, but to me, she is an example of poor parenting. How on earth can a mother justify leaving her baby at the extremely tender age of 3 weeks? It seems like the most selfish thing I've heard in a long time. Now, companies all over the place will want mothers to return at 6 weeks with the mentality of thankfulness that they got to stay with their babies THAT long. This is not progress...

and we wonder what on earth is wrong with kids today.

We wonder why the younger generations have issues...women need to reevaluate their roles. I'm NOT saying a mother shouldn't work. I'm all for personal choice and I support the careful, responsible choices women make. however, when a personal choice may be negative to a child that is dependent on its mother, I cannot support that.

It irritates me that such irresponsible decisions will be supported and even praised by our society.

America has a lot to learn.

I think America is the new Roman Empire and we all know what happened to Rome....

For several years I've been saying that I wish I could leave this country and become a resident elsewhere. My boys would never want to leave though and there is no way in hell I'd leave the country for good without them. It's about priorities...for me, my kids come first.

For others, financial gain does, I guess.

I've got ideas though. I think my problem is I'm terribly impatient. However, I have a plan for my working future that will allow me to keep my priorities in order...my priorities are as such:

1. Family
2. Earth and environment
3. Women support
4. My integrity
5. Financial gain

The hard part is the first step. I need to research more and educate myself more.