When Baby Won't Sleep, What's A Mom To do?

My baby isn't sleeping well at all. We are worse than when she was a newborn. Last night was our best night in 2 weeks and she went to sleep around 11 (started trying at 8:00!), then woke at 4, 5, 7, and 9.

I hate reading about how 3 month olds are SUPPOSED to sleep. No, my daughter doesn't sleep through the night. No, she doesn't take nice, long naps of 1 1/2 - 2 hours during the day, and hasn't since she was about 2 months old. I'm lucky if she sleeps for 20 minutes.

No, she's not sleeping 15 hours a day. She maybe, MAYBE sleeps 10. It's exhausting. The only time she will sleep a good stretch is if I'm holding her or she's in the swing...or the car, she's so much better with that now.

I'm exhausted and frustrated. It used to be that putting her in bed with me helped, but it doesn't matter where she is. If she is lying flat on her back, she wakes up after a short time.

No, her crying isn't limited to 1 hour. It WAS that way. Now she cries any time she's tired...and with the way she's sleeping, this is often. It's not for long periods, but it is often.

She is still eating often...about every 2 hours around the clock, unless I get lucky and get a 4-hour stretch at night. This is even if given a bottle of breastmilk...and then she will take 7 oz easily and want to nurse 2 hours later. It's crazy.

Things she IS doing...holding her head up during tummy time, though she tires out and gets mad. Holds and chews toys, sucks her thumbs...she finds them easily now, follows sounds, follows me with her eyes as I move around the room, holds her head steady when held, tries to roll over, talks all the time.

I'm sort of beside myself. What have I done wrong? It's as if she wants me by her side all the time. While I like this, I also desperately need a break. I've not had 30 minutes to myself since I had her. I think I deserve at least that much. Even saints need some time to recharge, I'm sure. I don't know any saints, but hell, didn't Jesus go to a mountain to pray?

Where's my fucking mountain?

We have the Christmas party tomorrow night and as much as I'm looking forward to getting out, I'm so unbelievably tired. I doubt we'll get to stay long...I won't be able to stay awake!

I'd love to get a nap in, but with 20 minute stretches, I'm afraid I'll wake up feeling worse. Besides, who knows if she'll even sleep if I put her down next to me.

UGH!!!!!

I wish she'd take a pacifier. I think it would help. Her thumb is still too small to really so any good...plus, I'd rather she used something that can be taken later.

I'm so tired and worn out, and tired of being pulled in a million directions with no break in sight that I've caught myself a couple of times thinking...oh I won't even say it. It's terrible and I'd feel guilty for giving voice to it.

I'll say there probably isn't a mom out there who hasn't thought it at some point during the sleep-deprivation stage of infancy.

What am I supposed to do? I've tried all the tricks and tips I can think of. At this point, I don't care if she never sleeps in her crib, as long as I can get a decent night's sleep! It will help her too...she needs the sleep even more than me.

I think I need to stop reading about baby development, stop visiting the "Trailer Park Version of the View" (aka babycenter), and I just need to wing it. That's what I did with my boys.

I just want so badly to be a good mom...maybe I need to stop worrying, let go some, and just take things as they come. I'm sure my stress isn't helping at all.