Vasectomy, please!!

I got my phone today! Yay.

Little Napoleon is asleep in my arms after having a bit of a fussy moment. She looks extremely content at the moment though. I need to get dressed and eat lunch, but she's sleeping so well! LOL!

The last two nights she has slept in her bassinet. She wakes up one extra time, but I'm happy she is confident enough to sleep in her own bed. I don't sleep well with her there, but it is okay and I'll get used to it.

She has been going to sleep an hour earlier the last few days, so that may be the reason for the extra waking time at night. I don't mind it at all. I know everything will pass quickly and before I know it we will all he sleeping through the night.

My doctor appointment is on Thursday. I really can't wait to get there. I have never in my life said this about a doctor's appointment. I seldom go to the doctor and I am never eager to go. I just want my issue resolved. One day I'm okay (never good or fine) and the next I'm miserable.

Today I checked it out. It's an open, slightly bleeding wound. I swear, I wish I could just put some liquid bandage on it and be done with it. Grrr!

I did feel better after reading that poor woman's blog yesterday, but it didn't last long. I literally have an extra hole down there. :( How will I ever be with my husband? What if they want to restitch me? Will I be destined to go through this shit again? What if I have to have the silver nitrate treatment? It's horrible. I had it done (needlessly) on a canker sore once. I can't imagine having it done to my lady parts.

Ugh.
I'm scared of this appointment, but geez, I'm so sick of not feeling normal. I just want to he myself again.

Is that too much to ask? Really?

I should stop bitching, go make myself a bagels with garden veggie Philly Cheese, and hope that in a mere 36-ish hours, I'll have some sort of answer about my issue. I hope it isn't, "it'll take a few months, but it'll heal on its own." Right now, it looks as though someone sliced me open...it's gaping like a knife wound, but not bleeding really...just a tiny bit. I can't imagine dealing with this until Nature heals it.

Blahhh!!!!

I never want to give birth again! It's not even the birth, it is the recovery. I never want to go through this again! Ugh!!

I really want K to get a vasectomy. I'm absolutely terrified of getting pregnant again and I don't do well with hormone-based birth control. I don't want anything implanted in me and I don't want major surgery to get my tubes tied. a vasectomy makes perfect sense.

I may have to beg.
He doesn't seem too eager to look into it.