Sleepy mama, sleepy baby

Kathryn is two weeks and one day old today. She's doing well, with only a few bumps.

She seems to be gaining some weight back...thank goodness. I don't think I have any reason to worry though, because she didn't lose even 10% of her weight, which is common. She was close, but not quite.

My nipples are getting better, finally. My right one seems just fine now and my left one is much better. Thank goodness. Kevin picked up some Medela nipple cream and I actually like it better than the Lansinoh. It goes on easier and isn't sticky.

I'm learning her schedule a bit. She is eating better (probably because her latch is better) and wetting and pooing regularly. She is doing much better in the evening the last couple of days. Her fussy period is from about 6-10. This is when all she wants to do is eat and fuss. It was really bad when my nipples were sore. I think in part because I couldn't relax because it hurt so bad.

Things are improving. :-)

Today has been hard though. I didn't sleep well last night and she hasn't slept well today. I've had a bit of cheese and one pop tart. It's almost 5:00, so this isn't good. She has just cried all day unless I'm holding her. I even had to vacuum the floors while holding her.

I know...I should have eaten rather than doing floors, but I couldn't take another minute of the house going without a cleaning.

She's asleep on my chest now. I'm hoping I can eat and get dressed. I'm still in the shorts and tank I wore in bed. I'm cold too. I'd love to have pants on!!

Can I rang just a wee bit? I'm feeling a little resentful toward K because he gets to sleep through the night, he can shower whenever he feels like it, he can hand the baby to me when she fusses, he can take a smoke break, etc.

As a .matter of fact, the cig break really pissed me off the other day. If been dealing with baby all day and hadn't had a shower, I was still extremely sore from birth and whatever, hadn't had a poop in two days, and I asked if he could take her so I could shower. He said, "let me have a smoky treat, then I will." Seriously? 10 minutes can make such a difference! I was so pissed off and hurt that he doesn't understand how important it is to a new mom to be able to clean herself up.

It sucks to be sore, to be exhausted, to be bleeding like a stuck pig for days, to feel like a milk machine, and to now be able to sit down without cringing...and then for a fucking cigarette to come between me and a shower.

It just seemed pretty insensitive.

He says he can't wait to see me smile like I was in our Vegas pictures...well, if he had any idea what I feel like, he'd know I, too, can't wait to smile like that again! I'm happy. However, I'm exhausted! I don't think he gets it, because he is getting plenty of sleep.

What I've decided to do is just do what I do when he isn't here...and I'll just do my thing even when he is here. The other day I asked if he'd take the laundry downstairs for me...I didn't want to carry a basket full of clothes down two levels. He did it, but his expression showed he didn't want to do it.

Men.

I guess the novelty of taking care of me has worn off. So I'll just do things as though he isn't here.

He did cook breakfast for me this weekend. He also folded diapers. That was nice. I don't mean to bitch...I just had to vent! I'm so isolated these days and I've no one to talk to.