Panic Attack

I'm in the middle of a panic attack and writing this to calm me down and help me focus.

I'm 37. I have nothing to show for my life other than my children (who are amazing), a degree I'm currently not using, and debt up to my eyeballs.

I'm 37 and I have no fucking clue what I want to do with my life.

I'm in the process of applying to UC for the spring semester, but this is more by default (I'm good at teaching and not good enough at anything else to make the change I wish I could make). I find myself completely annoyed vy my entrance advisor who is doing a really super job of helping me get things in order for the deadline that is a month away. Shes a great advisor and id have lived to have her when I was at UK, but now I find her pushy and annoying.

My only explanation is that I really don't want to go and I feel like she is making me do something I don't want to do. Lol

It's crazy.

What the hell am I going to do?

I want to do something creative, but I'm not good enough at anything. :( Plus, what if I fail? I'll make a fool of myself and STILL have a mountain of debt to deal with. I dont want to be a burden to my husband who already works so hard for us.

I'm seriously freaking out.  I think I need to work out and get rid of this nervous, panicky energy.