Pregnancy Hormones Blamed for Vicious Attack

Nothing pisses me off more than being pissed off and someone says, "Oh, you're pregnant. It's just hormones." It's actually got me wondering...can I blame hormones on assault and battery and be acquitted of all charges by judge who ushered me out of the court room with a sympathetic, "Oh, you're pregnant. It's just hormones?"

Part of me would live to try it just to see what happens. The other, (thankfully in control) side of me knows I'll never do that. At least I don't think I will.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant as of Monday and overall feeling fabulous. K and I are excited about the baby and we were just  married on Sunday, the 17th. The wedding was planned before the baby, for those out there who would have that question spring into their clearly non-judgmental minds. The baby was a wonderful gift from Isis...a fabulous surprise.

So anyway, I was in a previous marriage that drove me to drink a daily dose of a bottle of Cabernet and I ended up on anti-depressants because I was so unhappy. At first I thought it was my job. I taught in a difficult school with a wishy-washy administration and I worked more than anyone should. Then I realized I actually liked my job. Then I thought it was me. I thouht I needed to get out and do more things for myself. I planned and went I'm a trip to NOLA with a friend to sort things out in my mind. I realized I was happy there. When I got home, I was unhappy again. So I planned a solo trip to Orlando....and I was happy again.

When gone, I found I missed my kids and my dog, but not my husband.

We couldn't even plan a family trip 6 months out because he was such a workaholic. He drank even more than I did. He walked around the house sighing in his pajamas all the time. The only time he was pleasant to be around was when we were with other people. Then, it was all a show. We were the "perfect, happy" couple. We never had a single argument...seriously. I couldn't open up to him. I saw him as too weak to handle what I was thinking, so instead of possibly hurting his feelings, is bottle mine up, write them down, or drink until I passed out so I didn't have to face the real issue. My marriage was my reason for the unhappiness I felt.

I had to get out before I ended up dead. It was that serious.

We divorced as nonchalantly as we decided to get married. No emotion, no tears, except mine when I told him I wanted a divorce. Nothing. We rode to the lawyer's office together to sign. We laughed. We chatted. I even invited him to lunch, but the place I wanted to go was closed.

And that was that.

Why am I bringing this up in this particular blog? Because after meeting someone new (my now husband), I went for a visit to my dad's and he still had a picture of me, my ex, and my boys sitting on his television. At the time, I thought....I'll give it some time.

However, after getting married, I sent my dad a message to ask him if he would take it down before my next visit. I was not rude at all. I simply asked him to take it down and I explained that it only reminded me of how unhappy I was then.

His enlightened patriarchal response was, "I'm not going to sit around in my pjs scratching my butt, drooling, waiting for a visit...As for the picture, my house, my picture. It STAYS."

To me, this was absolutely insensitive, not to mention completely disrespectful to my husband. Dad says all his kids are welcome to his house anytime. However, how is something like that going to make me or K feel welcome?

As far as the baboon-like behavior he mentioned....he has visited me 4-5 times in my entire adult life! I'm 36 years old. If any visits occur, its because I go visit him. I have invited him to many events and he always declines. He didn't come to my wedding either, although he wished us the best...Blahh, Blahh, Blahh.

He used to send cards. Now he only sends Facebook messages. It is the action of the unconcerned person who wants to fake concern.

I shouldn't even be upset really. This is nothing compared to what he did to my older sister who recently came out of the closet. He disowned her.

Still, there is a part of me who wants to show up on his doorstep, say hello in the most pleasant way possible, walk to that fucking television, smash that picture on my knee, hand it to him and tell him to enjoy it, because that's all he has left if me.

Instead, I told him he will not see me again.

What irks me the most is that he never fails to play the armchair preacher...sending Bible verses in every message. You know, it is not your belief that makes you a better person/a good person...it is your actions.

I have two unforgivable sins....1.) You hurt one of my children. 2.) You disrespect my husband.

I love him. I always will, but I'll not see him again.
Harsh, I know...but this was basically the last straw from a haystack. Even the eternal optimist runs out if excuses for the meanness of others.

I am the eternal optimist...but I've reached my limit and I'm getting too old for this crap. It is sad though...he is running off all 6 of his children, one at a time.