My Journey

It's funny that even when you reach out to people with love, you can still get bombarded with negativity...even when you're asked for help!

It was pointed out to me that I don't look like I've made any changes to my physical body.

I'm trying to help people get healthier, but when they look at me, my physique really hasn't changed a lot. I've not lost 100 or more pounds. I'm not extremely muscular. I'm still long and lean as I have always been. So, to some people, it may appear that I've "done nothing," so I have no right to advise people about their health.

This bothers me. I WISH I had an amazing physical transformation to show people, but I don't. I've never struggled with weight gain, because at the first sign of it, I made changes (often negative ones, but still).

I've never been over-weight. I've never been obese. I've not done yo-yo diets, because I've never believed in them. I'd watch people do them, lose a bunch of weight with little or no exercise and then gain back even more afterwards. Why would I do that when my goals was to never, ever gain weight?

No, I was just anorexic and bulimic. That said, I do understand the body hate, the self-criticism, the judgment, the shame, the discomfort of putting on a swimsuit, the dread that summer was coming, the desire to cover my body from others' site, wanting to have sex only with the lights off...SIZE has nothing to do with health & wellness. Back then I actually had people telling me they'd "love to by [my] size."

They had no idea what that would entail.

Yea, so physically I don't look much different than I did then.

My transformation has been very internal: emotional & psychological. I have nothing to show but the smile on my face, my decreased fear of trying new things, and my overall sense of well-being that I never had before starting this journey.

I've done a hell of a lot when I take a moment to think about it. I cannot I throw my hands in the air and whine that I've not had the physical transformation I'm "supposed to have" to show that I've "done something."

No.
I must give myself my own advice:
Progress and health look different for each individual.
We cannot compare ours journey to someone else's.
We cannot compare our beginning to someone else's middle.
We cannot allow the negativity of others (which has nothing to do with us) affect our progress.

If you are facing something like this today, please remember that your progress is YOURS. It's not for anyone else to critique.

How we FEEL about ourselves is MORE IMPORTANT than how we look to others. If you start striving for a certain size or a certain number on the scale, you will NEVER feel like enough, because being healthy is about so much more than that! Trust me...I had my "goal weight" and I'd reach it and then suddenly it didn't seem small enough, so my goal weight got smaller and smaller. It was never enough. I was never enough!

Size and that fucking number on the scale are a drop of water in the ocean. They don't mean shit. You'd do yourself a solid if you'd toss your scale into the trash can.

Seriously.

So, I'm posting this blog post as a reminder to myself that appearance doesn't matter and that overall health and well-being is the goal.

I hope it helps someone else out there who may be struggling with the same thing.

Best wishes!
Resa 


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