Balance

I turned 39 on Friday. I'm currently living in the last year of my thirties. How surreal...Ha! It's pretty crazy when I think back to the life I used to live and the fact that I truthfully thought I'd be dead by 25. So much so that I didn't plan my life beyond that. I even wrote out a will of sorts with plans for my sons should I, in fact, die.

Why I thought I'd die at that age is beyond me, but I did.

I'm so glad I didn't. The best parts of my life came after that.

The Western culture emphasizes youth so much, but it is most often true that the best years of people's lives happen later. The 30s and beyond. My 30s have been amazing! Truly amazing, when I look back on them.

I've taken many trips, met some awesome people, enjoyed several years of teaching, had a third child, got married twice (both of which I'd consider good marriages, but the second, is the very successful one), watched my sons graduate from high school. Watched my son get out of a very negative situation and get himself back.

The good.
The bad.
It's been great.

I'm actually looking forward to being forty and seeing what that decade will bring.

I'm not afraid of getting older.
I do not wish to be a 20-something, nor do I envy anything about their lives or bodies, or whatever.

I'm still very much that young girl though. I honestly feel like I'm 22. I don't feel any older. I'm still a walking contradiction most of the time.

Example: I hate the mall, but I'll go there once in a while because I love the home decor sections...and I like nice things.

I'll wear a crappy pair of shoes with holes in them or a $1200 pair of shoes...in the same day and feel just as good in either. It's not about the name or the cost. It's about the style.

A couple of my favorite brands right now:

Haute Hippie: I love this dress & I think I'll have to grab it for spring when it's on sale (spring WILL come!)

Source: Nordstrom: $395

Pleione: I bought a gorgeous black wrap blouse for my birthday that'll transition to spring and even summer very well. It has a wonderful hand and drape...which I don't think is made obvious by this picture. It has a classic look that'll also be able to be worn for a few seasons without looking off.

source: Nordstrom: $68

My husband surprised me with these shoes for my birthday: They were very popular with the folks at Nordstrom, even the people in the Jimmy Choo shop. I must say, besides my Christian Diors, these are the most comfortable heels I own. Still though, it's not about them being Jimmy Choos. There are PLENTY of Choos I'd never wear. It's about the style. I love the style of these shoes...and more importantly, I appreciate the fact that my husband was so incredibly thoughtful. That's what matters most to me.

Source: Jimmy Choo: $1195

This quote from Maude (Harold and Maude), is the perfect representation of me, "Here today. Gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things. With that said, I'm not against collecting things."

I don't get attached to things, but I like having nice things. Perhaps this is less a contradiction and more just plain old common sense.

Things don't make the person.
Things don't really matter.

Like I always say...it you're not happy with NOTHING, then you'll never be happy with EVERYTHING.
Be thankful for the life you have, the friends you have, the city in which you live, the job you have, the home you have, the car you drive, the bus you take, the bike you ride...once you become genuinely thankful, happiness will happen naturally.

Don't compare yourself, your life, your own personal journey to anyone else's. We're all perfectly screwed up. That's the beauty of it. No one lives a perfect life. There's no such thing.

My life isn't perfect. I tend to be critical of others, before I can stop myself. I tend to over-think things to a fault...like chew on it until it is no longer what it was at all (I have a great imagination). I am inconsistent, which may drive others mad, but I rather enjoy it. It enables me to try new things. When I find something that works though, I stick with it for life:

Examples:
1. Eating a plant-based diet (although I'm not vegetarian)
2. Juicing (although my fucking juicer broke the other day!)
3. Working out (although I don't do it every single day, all the time)
4. Reading a PD book every single day
5. Taking time for ME each week, even if that's just a bath or a workout, or a walk.
6. Talking to my husband...with no television or other distraction.
7. Eating at home more (saves money - seriously, if you eat out once a day and spend 10 bucks, each time, that adds up to $3650 a year! I used to do this...and I'd get a Starbucks each day as well). Eating at home also means I get to experiment, and I know what I'm eating.
8. Drinking less. We drink often, but we drink less (except last night and I awoke at 4:30am, completely parched, guzzling water and feeling like total shit...and I realized I used to do that EVERY DAY. Gah! What a waste! Thankfully I had Shakeology for breakfast. It's like a miracle hangover cure! Not even kidding.)

It's about balance.
I'm trying...