Post Vacation Rest and a Little Reflection

Am I the only one who wants to do absolutely nothing after vacation? I'm so glad I was off yesterday and had time to slowly get the house and laundry in order.

Today Kathryn isn't feeling well. I'm sure it's just a seasonal thing, so I'm being proactive and boosting her immune system with some essential oils. She went to bed rather easily & I'm hoping she'll get a good rest and awake feeling refreshed.

Isn't it just terrible when the littles are not feeling well? I would rather be ill than have my kids feeling bad.

Tonight, in an effort to look good for my husband (yea, I do that sometimes), I showered again, FIXED MY HAIR, & rubbed myself down with my homemade lotion bar and some of our favorite oils, as well as a new one called Passion. We'll see if it works! Haha!

Hey, this blog IS called "Hard to be Sexy.," so you've got to expect a few shenanigans in the marriage department, right?

And I'll be dawned if it IS hard to he Sexy. I think it has nothing whatsoever to do with appearances and everything to do with confidence. Unfortunately, even at nearly 40, I'm not all that confident. I'm also not as insecure as I used to be.

I'm finding my footing as I approach the age I've been looking forward to since I was 16. I've always known that at 40, I'd come into my own and in the last five years, I've really felt this shift in my consciousness. I'm less afraid, less concerns about others' opinions of me, and my spirit is more settled. This is especially so in the last year. It's hard to explain but absolutely true.

As I sit here, by the Chriatmas tree thats all all aglow, in our lovely home, I am happy & content. I love this life. I feel like a I've lived about five or six lives in this one life though...

Here are the lives I've lived:
1. Rebellious, self-hating, cutting, anorexic teenager who attempted suicide a few times and was put in a rehab for a month before quitting school, seeing my friend get shot while he tried to buy crack, & watching several others die due to drugs as well.

2. Single mother of 2 amazing sons, working in a factory, while struggling to pay bills, getting evicted, having my car repossessed & still trying to enjoy life as a 20-something (yea, I was that stupid).

3. Living a life very close to nature in a log cabin that had no running water and was heated with only a fireplace. I chopped wood, grew a garden and explored my spirituality while my sons happily ran amuck on the farn, playing in the mint filled creek.
4. Married and living in the suburbs. I was a middle school teacher. I had the so-called American dream of nice, 2-story Colonial, with two new cars, two kids, a professional husband, & even a pure bred dog and I was bored and miserable. I even ended up in the hospital due to my eating disorder. I dreamed about killing myself almost every day. I was "living" the life that was expected of me and I just couldn't handle wearing that hat.

5. Married to my crazy tattoo artist, living in a Victorian with 3 kids that boast a 16-year age difference. I stay at home and run an essential oils business and work as a nanny. I'm very happy, although I do occasionally get bored (I think this is the plague of the intelligent). I'm exploring my spirituality even more and taking care of myself and my family. I love my husband more than words can say. I miss my son's a lot. Nothing can prepare you for your child's adulthood...and I find myself reminiscing about their childhood often.

So..yea, I've lived 5 lives so far and the funny thing is, each feels complete in its own way. Each was necessary for my arriving where I am right now, in mind, body, & spirit and I am thankful for each of the lives I've lived.