Ugh

I have never been depressed in the summer, but I think that's exactly what's wrong with me.

I have zero patience and spend most of my day raising my voice at my precious baby who wants to get into everything she can. I hardly talk otherwise, unless I remind myself that I should be talking and playing with Kathryn. I talk when K gets home, of course.

I feel like a failure at everything I'm trying to do and let's face it, my life isn't exactly filled with challenges. As a matter of fact, it is rather uneventful for the most part. :-(

The depression comes and goes, because I'm constantly fighting it off, but I'm pretty sure I'm depressed.

Great, winter is going to he incredibly fun.

I'm posting this as a way to vent this, in hopes that it'll go the fuck away. I want to just be happy. Why does it take so much effor to feel happy?

Do most people feel this way it am I just a freak?

Lol. I ask the question to an audience that will never reply. Again....what's the point?

I have no friends, my family sucks and couldn't care less about me (let's be honest here)...I'm not trying to wallow in self-pity, but I guess that's exactly what I'm doing.

How do I get past this? I have no clue. I'm so angry and bitter inside. I'm so completely bored. I wake up every day with the same thought...."another day." I can't even end that phrase with "another dollar." Maybe another holler. That would fit. That's all I do it seems.

Raise my voice
Change diaper
Nurse
Feed solids
Take a walk
Take a ride for peace and quiet
Watch tv
Bath baby
When K comes home:
Eat
Sit on couch until I'm tired enough to go to bed
Read
Sleep until baby wakes again and again

Repeat for each day I live.

That's my life.
It's not bad, but exciting, challenging, or otherwise invigorating, it is not.

Kathryn's newest antic below. ;-)