Wednesday

Kathryn is wearing shoes today, even though it is silly to put a baby on shoes when she can't walk. It's for me. I admit it. Her daddy bought them and I wanted to see her in them before she out grows them like she already has the outfit they match.

She seems to like them and treats them as wearable toys. :-) 

She is sitting up extremely well these days and expiration backward all over the place. So cute.

As for me, I'm feeling extremely well these days. The rash I have on my belly has morphed into a scattering .of tiny red bumps. I really think it is the toxins leaving my body. My skin is so incredibly sensitive. I think the rash is on its way to gone. Yay.

I'm still juicing and enjoying the variation of flavors. A couple have been rather, uh, less than tasty. LOL! But for the most part, my random mixing has been delicious. I like adding fresh juice to my diet. I'm also taking my prenatal vitamins again, just to be sure baby is getting all she needs.

I stopped the vitamins because she was spitting up like mad, but she still does on occasion, so it isn't the vitamins. I think she just gorges herself on milk. I feel confident to start taking them again. I'm taking them before bed, because she nurses least often at night. This is just as an added procaution and probably isn't truly necessary.

My husband was married before. Twice before, as a matter of fact, but it is the second one that I'm referring to right now. There is no problem or threat at all. I want to say that before I continue. I'm just feeling a little weird lately. He and his ex-wife bought this house together and while he says that this is the first time his "house" ever felt like "home," I feel sometimes like I've moved into a life that was created before me.
Silly.
Ridiculous thoughts and that's exactly why I'm discussing them here. I just want to release myself from them.

What gets to me is that her name is on mail that comes here. It's so fucking annoying to me. It's like she's not here, but she is.

NONE of this is coming from or because of my husband. I have to make that very clear. It's all from me. For some reason, I've been feeling insecure about my role as a wife. I think it might he my hormones. Anyone who has breastfeeding a baby knows what it does to you...we, down there. That, coupled with the scarring from my tear, has mage sex less than pleasing to me....that is until the other night. Finally, I was pain free. Yay. It made me think perhaps I'll be back to my old self again soon.

I just don't feel sexy these days and I want to feel that way again. When my husband comes on to me, or compliments me, I immediately think he's just being nice. I seriously don't know what he sees in me right now.

It's so weird. I'm not sure where it is all coming from. I'll have to contemplate this a while. It's totally not him. He's as attracted to me (if not more so) as he was before I got pregnany. It's all me. It's my insecurity...and it is weird, because I feel GREAT!

I'll figure it out.

Here's a pic of little miss.