Telling Grandma Furay: January 15, 2012

Once we found out, I stopped smoking. On the way to Dayton, I was nervous and if there was ever a time to have a cigarette, it was that moment. However, I had a little one depending on me and there was no way in hell I'd risk my baby's health for a moment of nervous relief for myself.

As we were driving, I was somewhat quiet, thinking again of all the terrible things I had done over the holidays, with the drinking and smoking. All I kept thinking was, "I did this during a critical period of development! I hope I didn't cause anything bad to happen." I kept thinking, well, I didn't know I was pregnant...lots of women drink and smoke before knowing they are pregnant and their babies are just fine, but what if MINE isn't? I'll never be able to live with myself if my actions did something bad to my baby.

These thoughts kept running through my head, but I kept telling myself, "Hey, what's done is done. Stress won't help and now I just need to do what is right and good for my baby and hope for the best."

We pulled the Cadillac CTS into the driveway. K turned off the ignition and we looked at each other with a sigh. "Give me a kiss, baby." He said and I did.

L was seated at the kitchen table when we went in. K's step-brother had just had a baby girl and the family was abuzz with happiness about the birth. As I settled in at the table, L talks about the baby. K didn't sit. Instead, he lit a cigarette and stood in front of the refrigerator.

As L paused in her discussion about the baby, K asked, "Are you enjoying being a grandma?"

L smiled and nodded, but before she can answer him, K says, "'Cause you're going to be a grandma again."

She looked at him, her mouth open, her eyes wide, but somewhat confused. She looked at me. I'm smiling and nodding, not knowing what her reaction will be. She stood up, put her hands to her face and cried out, "Ohhhhhh, Ohhhhh my goodness!" Then she sat back down, wiping tears from her cheeks, but stood back up immediately.

K went to her and gave her a hug.

"Ohhh, that was the best Christmas present you could have given me!" She cried.