Finding out: January 15, 2012

Finding out you're pregnant when your children are 15 & 16 is more of a shock than a surprise, but good nonetheless. So many things went through my mind like the fact that I'm going to have two kids in college before my little one is in preschool and the fact that biologically my sons will be old enough to have their own children while their sister or brother is still a toddler! Of course they know I'd kill them if they did that, so I'm hoping the fear of mother's wrath will prevent that from happening.

When we found out...

It was January 15th, around 2:00 pm. I had been thinking something was wrong, but pregnancy was the last thing on my mind...after all, I have a 15 and 16 year old! I thought I was getting sick, because I just wanted to sleep all the time and some days I slept practically the entire day. I thought I was getting a bladder infection, because I was going to the bathroom so much, I was getting raw down there! I also noticed that some foods, such as White Castle (yum!) smelled like the worst thing on earth when my fiance microwaved them one day...but the very next day I'd crave them and be microwaving them myself. Beer didn't taste good to me and wine sipped like vinegar (thank goodness, right?!).

Besides feeling like crap most of the time, I also noticed that my breasts were extremely sore and swollen-feeling, but they weren't visibly larger, according to my fiance. My skin even seemed drier, with my nose peeling like I had gotten too much sun. What the heck was going on?

Why I didn't figure it out with all these signs, I have no idea. I even got tampons and put them on the back of the toilet to wait for the day when my flow started.

It didn't come. What did come was the day I took a shower and when I got out, I found myself squatting down, holding on to the sink, trying to convince myself that I was NOT going to vomit. My entire body shook weakly. I stayed in this position for several minutes, afraid to move, because I was afraid movement would instigate the nausea. Once the feeling passed, I hung my towel on the bar, wrapped my robe around me and cautiously laid down in bed. I stayed there until about an hour before my fiance got home.

The night we went to a hockey game with some of our motorcycle friends. They are police officers and fire fighters and crazy as hell. Anyway, they were all drinking and having a great time, but I just couldn't do it. The beer tasted flat and water tasted amazing. I did drink one beer though as a social thing, but I didn't feel well enough to have more and I was exhausted by 10:00, so we decided to go home.

The next day we went to Demetrios for breakfast. After ordering coffee and orange juice, I looked at my fiance and said, "Babe, I think the first day of my last period was December 12. Which means I'm late."

"Really?" He replied, with a look of confusion or concern on his face. I really couldn't tell and with what I was feeling, it was impossible to decipher someone else's feelings.

"Yeah," I said. "At least I think that was the first day. I can't find the calendar. It must still be in a box downstairs." I had just moved to Cincinnati only two weeks prior.

"Well, let's get a test after we are done eating." He said, very calmly. "If you are, you are and if you're not, it's best to know for sure, right?" I agreed completely. We finished our breakfast a little faster than usual and headed to Walgreens.

Even though the test recommends that women take the test in the morning, I decided to go ahead and take it. With my boys, I took the tests in the afternoon and they were accurate, so I figured this one would be too. If not, there was a second test I could take in the morning. Besides, I could not wait to know! So many things were going through my mind. Things I did that I would never have done if I had known I was pregnant. We went to a Christmas party where I had a few beers and smoked. We even had a New Years Eve celebration and I had five beers and several cigarettes. Luckily I did cut back on the smoking by that time though, because they made me feel nauseated.

I take the test and sit it on the vanity and then go to the kitchen to sweep up around the cats' litter box. I did this more to past the time than to really clean anything up. Not even a minute passed and my fiance went to the bathroom. As I was sweeping, he walks into the kitchen, with his hand on his head. He didn't have to say a word; I already knew just by seeing his expression. "Baby, come here," he said. "I'm going to be a dad."

I went to him and we embraced for a long time. We cried a little bit, but mostly stood together somewhat stunned. Wow, we're going to be parents and we aren't married yet and have only been together since June. I started giggling. I just couldn't help it. The news was such a shock, but not a bad one. I realized at that moment that I had wanted this for so long. I wanted another baby for so many years, but never thought it would happen and now it has. I was going to be a mother to a third, wonderful child.

"Wow," my fiance said. "Want to go to Dayton to see mom?" He asked. I could tell he just needed to tell someone to make it all real.

I wasn't so sure I was ready to start spreading the word. I was still in shock and wasn't sure if I wanted everyone to know the secret so soon. I sort of wanted to let it be our little secret for a while before we spilled the beans to everyone. However, I could tell he really needed to tell someone to make it more real, or to help him come to terms with our news. I'm not sure what he was thinking really, but I knew he needed to tell his mom, so I agreed to go.

Below is the video I shot when we told the boys they were going to be BIG, very big brothers. ;-)